Venturing into a relationship with a man with kids is fine if you feel ready to live his life. But if you’re hesitant or just not someone who can deal with kids and all the work that comes with that, think again! Dating a man with kids, not for any girl.
It is not bad to feel attracted to a man who has commitments such as raising his children, but there are several aspects that you need to know if you really want to be with him and have a successful relationship that works and lasts over time, because this is something that he must certainly want.
You should know that a relationship with a single father is very different, since this man has a lot of responsibility, he leads a different rhythm of life and most importantly, his children will be his priority.
So, here is a list of 15 things to know when dating a man with kids:
1. The kids have a mother:
This seems obvious, but you should definitely know that the mother of the children will always be present in their lives and, therefore, also in the life of your partner, so it may not be so nice that your boyfriend all the time time you have contact with your ex, it may be something you have to deal with a lot.
You will also have to face very patiently the decisions that your partner’s ex-wife makes in raising her children, since you can affect your relationship with the children if there is something you do not agree on.
2. Your life will be like a roulette of emotions:
Many times, the relationship will not depend only on your emotions, and you will not be the center of your partner’s attention.
Whether you have to live with the kids at your partner’s house or you see them eventually, they will always draw their father’s attention and express a lot of emotions, tantrums, crying, screaming. That could make things very difficult, and this is something you need to understand from the beginning!
3. Having a balance will be hard:
Making your life and goals blend with the life of your boyfriend and kids can be a challenge for you.
Surely, your boyfriend will make every effort to spend as much time with you, but the children are going to be his priority and of course that must be a point in his favor, since it is something that you will surely want if you decide to have kids together.
4. Many decisions will be out of your control:
At the time of being in a relationship with a man with kids, you accept the whole package, him, the children and his ex.
So many decisions that are made will not depend only on you, especially if it is about children, their upbringing, their education, health and legal agreements.
5. No time for fights:
The day of some of the men who have children is quite busy, fundamentally based on working, picking up the children from school on the day that corresponds to them, having them at home, sleeping with them, or calling them during the day or night when he is traveling to find out how they are. In other cases, the children will be at home all weekend because that is the legal agreement.
One way or another, your boyfriend’s time is limited, between work and taking care of the kids. If you’ve had an argument, you’ll have noticed that he focuses on what’s most important to him and downplays the fight. If he behaves like this with you, you will have to learn to communicate in the best way, since in a relationship there can be discussions for many reasons and there will be some that will be serious and require time to talk.
6. It can be difficult to face conversations about the future of the relationship:
It is very important that from the beginning of the relationship you address this issue with your partner. Clarify from the beginning the seriousness of the relationship and your desire to have a family if you wish, without pressure, we understand that he who has just left a failed relationship and has kids; but you must express your wishes and intentions to have a serious and lasting relationship where you probably want to have your own kids later on.
It is important that he wants the same thing as you to have a stable and lasting relationship.
7. You should not meet the kids until you know you are not going anywhere:
Meeting the kids for the first time is not something to be taken lightly. You must wait until the relationship is serious, and you are fully determined to be with this man and his children. There is no set timetable for when is the exact time to meet the kids, but you need to make sure you are serious about it before you do, as kids can be going through a rough time in their lives and second breakups are said to of the parents are more difficult for the kids to face than the first, so consider the children throughout the process.
Because of all the changes in their lives, they don’t need someone to come to them and leave shortly after.
8. The kids should be prepared to meet their father’s new partner:
It is very important that your boyfriend has a conversation with the kids where he explains to them about his new relationship, tells them about you and the appropriate time to meet you for the first time, so that when this happens they do not feel surprised and act negatively towards you.
You have to evaluate where they are after the divorce process from their parents, are they struggling? Are they ready to have a new person in their life? Keep in mind that this process may be harder for them than it is for you.
9. Always consider the kid’s experience
One of the most important things you should do is respect children. Remember that regardless of their age, they are not to blame for the separation of their parents, or for having to go through all these circumstances.
Having two homes, one with their mother, another with their father and the new girlfriend, can be very stormy and difficult for them, it may be difficult for them to adapt at first.
So respect, love and patience will be the key to starting a new relationship with your boyfriend’s children.
10. The kids may reject you upon meeting you:
It may sound a bit cruel, but think about it, these kids go through a lot, they come from living the separation of their parents and now having to accept another woman in their lives should not be easy at all. Therefore, you must have a lot of patience and learn to stay calm if an emotional outburst occurs.
With a lot of love and empathy, you will achieve the acceptance of the kids.
11. Many people may oppose your relationship:
There is a stigma in society about dating a man with kids, probably your friends or family are opposed to dating a divorced man and being the stepmother of your partner’s children.
You will have to deal with a lot of comments that may be painful for you, however, it is essential that your decision is not affected by the negative things that other people may say to you.
12. IT WILL BE HARDER THAN YOU THINK:
It may seem like a simple thing, talking with your partner about how you will do things and how you will react to situations that arise. The truth is, the emotions that come with this new role will be one of the hardest things you’ve ever done.
Imagining things does not compare to the experience of living in a relationship with a man with kids, it is something that you must live and experience in order to deal with all the things that come with the role of being a stepmother.
13. You may feel out of place:
Starting a new relationship with a man where some of your acquaintances and relatives shared with his ex-wife is something that can make you feel out of place.
It is possible that in some outings with friends or family gatherings, you may feel uncomfortable or upset, especially if they make comments about your partner’s past.
14. There may not be as much intimacy as you’d like:
You may have to deal with unexpected visits from the kids, or you may have to share the house with them for a few days. This can certainly become frustrating, but nothing that you can’t solve with a lot of imagination.
Taking advantage of the moments where you are alone with your partner will be the key to not losing those moments of intimacy that you want so much.
15. Respect the decisions made by your partner and his ex-wife:
You may have become involved with the kids very quickly, however, you must respect the traditions they have and the decisions their parents make regarding their upbringing.
Remember that trying to force children to change the way they do things will backfire greatly.
Take small steps, focus on building a stable relationship with your partner, and if you think something is wrong with the upbringing or education of children, you can discuss it alone with your boyfriend and not in front of the kids.