There are different types of family, today many couples decide to separate and eventually make the decision to start a new life with another person, but when there are children involved, the relationship can get a bit complicated.
The role of stepfather or stepmother is quite difficult, in fact, it could be one of the most difficult things there is, not only because of the challenge of having to fight with the stigmas imposed by society and in children’s stories where the stepmother appears as a perverse and conflictive figure as in the case of Cinderella where the wicked witch wants her stepdaughter as a servant and in Snow White with the stepmother consumed by jealousy at the young woman’s beauty, but also with the fact that the stepfather cannot get too involved with your stepchildren, or being alone with them; or the stepmother must act like a mom, but she can’t discipline or call herself a mom.
There is an increasing number of divorced people who, over time, return to form a family with a new partner, we must bear in mind that if it is already complex at times to access motherhood or fatherhood and have a good relationship with their own children, there can also be more complications in establishing a good relationship with a child who has other parents and a story behind, for this reason stepmothers want to say many things about stepchildren, we want to be heard without feeling ashamed and tell everyone that although there may be certain difficulties in raising a stepchild, this does not necessarily mean that the presence of children is a negative or detrimental factor and that stepmothers come into their lives to stay.
“40 Things Stepmoms would Say If We could Do It”
Perhaps when you hear the word stepmother, you only imagine an evil woman with a great cape, however, the relationship between stepmother and stepchildren or stepfather and stepchildren is like any other, with good and bad moments, and there are even days when you might feel on Edge. All of this is normal, we are human beings, not machines programmed to be love and understanding 24 hours a day; even with the stress that children entail, you can have feelings of all kinds at some point in time.
That does not mean that as a stepmother you do not love your children, but there are a lot of things that you surely want to shout at the top of your lungs and that perhaps coincides with some of these expressions that are among the most frequent feelings among stepmothers:
1) Being a stepmom is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
2) I would like my partner to take me into account when disciplining the children.
3) Sometimes I feel like I don’t love my stepchildren.
4) I feel jealous of my husband’s ex-partner.
5) I am overwhelmed by the screaming of my stepchildren.
6) I love your son as if he were mine.
7) I have a very good relationship with my stepdaughter.
8) I need a break.
9) I want to have more time for myself.
10) Raising my stepson takes up all my time.
11) I have a bad relationship with the mother of my stepchildren.
12) I feel like I’m being ignored all the time.
13) I deserve to be treated better.
14) I am at home all the time taking care of my stepchildren and nobody appreciates it.
15) It bothers me that my work money goes to my husband’s ex-wife.
16) I would like to have been the first wife.
17) I want to have children with my husband, but everything is chaotic.
18) I love my stepchildren the same way I love my own children.
19) It sucks having to go through this situation with my husband and I don’t know what to do.
20) I feel jealous of my stepchildren.
21) I miss having time alone.
22) The house is a complete mess.
23) My stepdaughter treats me like her worst enemy.
24) I feel very anxious at night.
25) If I could go back in time, I would make another decision.
26) I don’t know how to tell my husband that his children don’t respect me.
27) I wish I could discipline my stepchildren without them seeing me as the “evil stepmother.”
28) I’m tired of being told not to date a man with children.
29) I hate that another woman makes decisions that affect our family.
30) I have a hard time disciplining my stepchildren.
31) I think I’m breaking down.
32) My children have problems with their step-siblings.
33) Hearing the word “I hate you” has become common.
34) I feel that I raise my stepchildren better than their own mother.
35) Having a mixed family is very complicated.
36) I would like you to value the effort I make every day.
37) Raising my stepdaughter is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
38) I have a complicated relationship with the biological mother of my stepchildren
39) I would like to spend more time alone with my husband.
40) You do not love a son anymore because you gave birth to him.
As we can see, all these expressions are full of feelings, some with a lot of frustration or resentment. Most of the time, stepmothers avoid saying the things we think for fear of the judgments of society or to avoid conflicts within the family nucleus, and this makes us feel worse. It is time to start expressing ourselves and making ourselves heard, we do not want them to continue seeing us as the terrifying stepmother who mistreats her stepsons. Every day more mixed families are seen, and we need to eliminate this taboo from people’s mentality, we want them to recognize our efforts and dedication, as well as the unconditional love towards our stepchildren, since it is a difficult job and sometimes it takes a lot of effort, patience and understanding.
I would like to reflect and invite you to ask yourself, in those moments of turbulence, what would be the future of those children without you? Will we be able to have a good relationship with our stepchildren despite the difficult times? Of course, yes, cheer up, you are not alone in this, we cannot expect them to accept us as their mother overnight, but we can do everything possible to have a kind and courteous relationship, so that “Mine, yours and ours” can live in an environment of love, respect, tolerance and understanding.